AN ACROSTIC ADMISSION FOR ETHEL

This is the last time that I take your advice.
– Hey, it won’t hurt. In and out procedure. –
Ethel, you lying sack of shit.

How did I not know better?
Of course, this wasn’t going to be anything but painful.
Kneesocks unfurled along with my pants down.
Ever felt a breeze between your thighs?
You don’t. Trust me.

Prodding me with needles and
oddly shaped tools that make my
kneecaps shiver along with my insides!
Endless investigating of my bodily prides!
You could have just said so, Ethel!

Can they turn the heat up in here?
Listen, it’s very cold.
I really am not complaining.
No, look, I can see my breath.
I am not being difficult.
Call my wife, she’ll tell you. “ETHEL!”

And then more prodding ensued.

Please, Ethel. I’m sorry I called you a…
Liar.
And a sack of shit. You and I both know that the
C word would have been worse!
Ethel? Hello? Can you redial, I think we got disconnected.

Thank you, nurse.
Oh, yes, she said she had a headache. Chat tomorrow.

Thank you for returning my call.
Understandable. We were both upset. And had. Words.
Right, of course, I agree.
No. Okay, yes. Maybe tomorrow. Feel better.

You’re sounding very… alluring… today.
Oh, I didn’t know that you had a cold.
Uh. It sounds more sexy than nasal.
Right.
So…
Ethel.
Look… can you just…
Forgive me?

Alright. I can agree to that. I really do
regret saying it. I love you, too. Yes, the doctor
ordered me these special little blue pills.
Uh. About an hour ag…
NURSE, PACK MY THINGS!!!
Don’t worry, Ethel! This hokey’s pokey is coming home!

Wrote this as a prompt to the picture above on AllPoetry.com. Thought it was something different to write, lol. It was quite fun, to be honest and, though acrostic, was not as difficult to write as I had thought in theory. Hope you enjoy, I know that I did!